I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
