She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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