lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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