I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
