Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
