Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
