is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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