My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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