billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
