my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
