i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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