I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.