is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
