omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.