this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.