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did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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