Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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