Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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