The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
