Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
