Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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