Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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