After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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