you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
