I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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