The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
