At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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