I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
