Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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