Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
