Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
