found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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