Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
