so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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