Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize