How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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