So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
