I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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