Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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