it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
