I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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