somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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