somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
