i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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