you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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