a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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