Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This baby is an asshole
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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