I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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