I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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