I just made out with a guy for $7.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
