Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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