if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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