i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
