i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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