my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
