McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
