I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
