I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
