I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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